Romans Chapter 7:
15 I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.
24 Wretched man that I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?
Oh God, this is me.... I feel like I've been a slave to sin. No, not in the big things - I'm not an adulterer, I'm not killing or stealing or anything like that. But what does it really matter if I am not really alive in Christ if I continually live and act in a way that is not free from the law of sin and death?
I am continually frustrated with my level of spirituality on a day-to-day basis. I know to do right, and I don't do it. I know that I need God, but I don't seek Him. I know I need His strength, but I don't inquire of the Holy Spirit to enliven me with His power.
I can't stay here. I can't live in this place or I will die.
6 To set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace
Time and time again, I feel like I'm kicking myself in the butt, telling myself "Lisa, stop being stupid... you've got to change!" I feel like I'm wasting so much time.
What does it take, how do I focus on things of the spirit and not the things of the flesh? I always have my excuses, it seems; I'm tired...I'm sick...I've got 4 kids...we just moved....going on vacation....
It's all crap to be honest. Life will never be empty enough for me to FINALLY live the right life for God.
Is this okay God? Can I repent and give it a try again? I feel like I've asked this a million times already, but I guess it's better for me to keep trying than to give up. It's that thought alone that confirms to me that I do have something with God... I have been close enough with Him in the past, and there's still enough of a tie now that I keep getting drawn back - I can't run away completely.
I'm trying again....