Eat Your Veggies, It's For Your Own Good!

It's a familiar sight.  There's almost always one child at my table who didn't like the evening's dinner selection and is agonizingly working at their little pile of veggies or potatoes... or whatever it is that they don't like!

Some of the older kids have become better at putting up with food they don't favor; learning to plug their nose, take a large bite and gulp it down with a swallow of milk.  Thankfully, my children are not very picky eaters.  We've always had a very eclectic dinner table, influenced by our fascination with other cultures and our traveling (past, and future travel plans).  As a family we eat everything from Kim-Chi to Som Tum (unripe papaya salad) to spiced lentil stews, and if you want to eat, you must eat whatever you have been served.

The other night, one of my younger kids was stuck at the table, slowly working away at her mixed vegetables (what could be so bad about that?) when all the other kids were running around outside, enjoying their ice cream for dessert.  The whole process seemed to exhaust her... and it's amazing how eating just a few peas, beans, carrots and corn can cause tears to flow and bad attitudes to flare!

Why must a child eat their veggies before consuming dessert?  I believe most adults would agree with me that it is a reasonable conquest.  We want our kids to firstly grow up healthy and strong and consume a variety of nutrients that are required to assist their immune system.  Secondly, to me, it is important that my kids are exposed to a variety of flavors and "learn to like" the foods that are especially good for them.  Lastly, I would prefer that my children can willingly gulp down whatever they are served - be it in my own home, or in the home of a friend!

So ultimately, what I ask of my child is for her benefit.  I'm not trying to be mean and punish her.  I don't give her unreasonable amounts of "healthy foods" which she doesn't like.  I don't feed her turnips and rutabaga and collard greens all the time - but give her a variety of what I would consider some of the tastier veggies!

I can think of many other requirements which I place upon my children for their own good.  Some would include: a reasonable bedtime, learning to read and write, learning manners and good communication skills, and even the occasional bath or shower.  Speaking of showers, I also realized I have to make it a requirement to put on clean underwear afterwards, since having a 9 year old son has shown me that they just don't see that as a necessity.  (Unbelievable, I know!!!)

So I expect I will live through another decade or so of grumbling, as I encourage my children in some basic skills and characteristics until they plunge into adulthood and are "on their own".  I wish they could see it from my perspective; especially since it is frustrating and aggravating to have to constant beseech my children to do things that are for their own good.

I was spending some time reading the passage from our church service last Sunday, and found myself opening my eyes to a new burst of revelation concerning God's character towards his children.  First, let's take a look at the verses:

Mark 2:23-28
One Sabbath Jesus was going through the grainfields, and as his disciples walked along, they began to pick some heads of grain.  The Pharisees said to him, "Look, why are they doing what is unlawful on the Sabbath?"  He answered, "Have you never read what David did when he and his companions were hungry and in need?  In the days of Abiathar the high priest, he entered the house of God and ate the consecrated bread, which is lawful only for priests to eat. And he also gave some to his companions."  Then he said to them, "The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath.  So the Son of Man is Lord even of the Sabbath."

One thing I think is so great, is that I love how Jesus always points out things to the stuffy, religious people with either questions or witty, puzzling remarks.  It's as though He turns the issue back onto those who feel they are so "studied" and forces their hand, making it an issue of the heart and not of the head.

What really spoke to me though, was the idea that "The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath."  I've pondered the idea of Rest and Sabbath in previous blogs, and discovered how a Sabbath Day, by design, is meant to replenish and give time for communion with God and each other. (Communion, being defined as: association; fellowship and an exchange of thoughts, emotions, etc)

Basically, Jesus was confirming the idea that Sabbath wasn't a day made up by God so that He could garner our worship and force us to grovel at His feet, with extra time and consideration because of the certain day of the week.  He didn't make a Sabbath day so He could puff himself up and make us all feel guilty, like we should "act more holy" on this day, above all others.

Sabbath was made for our own good.  It was made for us to slow down and focus on what really matters in life, setting aside our work and obligations. This got me really thinking:  What are the obligations which we take upon ourselves that shouldn't be viewed as obligations, but something designed for us and intended to bless us?

It is so typical for us to take the wrong perspective, and in the same way that children react to their parent's expectations, we only see the work we have to do NOW, having little ability to visualize the future benefits of today's actions. I know that there is a lot of stuff that would be beneficial for me to do as a Christian, but I often feel grudging about it, and lack long-term perspective.  Most of all, I lack the perspective that God is asking me, not because He's GOD and He "says so", but because He loves me, and what He asks is for my benefit.

Next time I figure that I "should" do something, I'm hoping to have a little more foresight to consider the "why" behind my tasks.  It takes maturity to have the right attitude and perspective towards what could be construed as "more work", recognizing the meaning and benefits behind it all.  It will take a lot more maturity on behalf of my kids to recognize the benefits of eating their vegetables.  One day, I hope they will see it from my perspective though... and the cycle will continue as they wrestle with their own children!

Now, just for laughs, and a little nostalgia....  (you can skip the video forward to 1:30 to find the song I want to share).

Relationship Rescue

One day, while sitting in the emergency waiting room with my unhappy, crying preschooler who had a terrible earache, I witnessed a parade of newbie med students walking through the ward.  The majority of them were women, most with a professional, intelligent demeanor as they visually scanned the waiting room and were given a tour of the surrounding area.  I happened to be the only parent with a hurting child waiting to see a doctor, and my little girl is definitely a precious, heart-melting sight on any given day - but this time, she appeared even more endearing with her pouty lip sticking out sadly, mussed up wavy hair and crocodile tears occasionally dripping down a cheek as she whimpered with her head against my chest.  As I observed the med students, one in particular made eye contact and noticed my unhappy little girl.  I immediately saw the heart-felt empathy on her face and could sense the desire within her to help as compassion practically radiated from her, across the room.

After the group passed through the room on their introduction to the world of hands-on-medicine, I shook my head slightly in disbelief, finding myself thinking of how naive this young intern was to actually think that being a doctor would be all about helping the precious, hurting little children.  Even as I looked around the waiting room, it was quite obvious to me that the greatest proportion of people waiting to see a doctor could by no means be described as "cute".  In fact, some of them looked downright ugly and belligerent.  I guess what I saw in that waiting room represented long, grueling hours of work that may not always be very rewarding.  It was a duty that needed to be preformed by some intelligent and sympathetic human being, but being exposed to the continual suffering of others (and trying to heal the damages caused by the wrongful actions of others) - well, that would be enough to toughen or harden anyone's heart!  This young intern was so sweet... but she'd have to wise up - that was my initial analysis.

Admittedly, my thoughts were rather pessimistic in this situation.  It is actually kind of sad that such harsh judgement rose up in my mind, with little provocation.  I know however, that as the Bible says in Luke 6:45, "out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks" or in this case: "the mind thinks".  So I was left to wonder what sort of beliefs and attitudes are inside me that would cause me to think in such a manner.

My role as a wife and parent have often become worn down with the seemingly never-ending sacrifices and all-around hard work involved in these relationships.  Ideally, like the young med student, we look at marriage and think of all the pleasantries - breakfast in bed, strolling around the park hand-in-hand and staring longingly into each others eyes.  We don't consider the times of balancing the bankbook and tightening the budget, picking up the balled-up socks off of the floor every day, and the times when all your spouse does is annoy you.  We can also look at parenthood with similar optimism; thinking of cuddles and coos, tender-moments and heart-felt talks, while dismissing the idea of broken dishes, loud and obnoxious noises, rude behavior and all-around ungratefulness.

Imagine living in a home where you spend all your time working: in the kitchen cooking and washing dishes, in the laundry room cleaning endless piles of clothes, and your time spent in all the other rooms is pretty much work related, unless you happen to be sleeping.  Day after day, you pass by the comfy couches with their fluffy pillows, ignoring the family members that may be lounging there - except to inform them to lift their feet when you are trying to maneuver the broom or mop past them.  Living in a house while never taking advantage of the place of rest and relaxation would be quite ridiculous, yet many of us are so busy in life that we can probably relate in some part.  I'd like to take this analogy, however, and  compare it to how we can treat our relationships with God.

I've spent the last few years stuck in a rut of duty and service.  I'm not saying that I've lost my love for the Lord in any way, but I seem to have come to a place where I engage in more of a business relationship with Him.  Come to think of it, this is similar to the frustrations I feel as I relate to my family members as well - I'm apt to focus on all the stuff I must do, and forget about the relationship part.  When I mentioned living in a house, where you never take advantage of the "living room" - the place of rest - I was originally thinking of how this relates to our experience with God.  We can become so busy, serving Him, and working hard to do His will, yet never find ourselves in that place of restful communion with Him.

I communicate with God on a regular basis; lifting up prayer requests whenever something crosses my mind - but I've found that there is a lot less true worship coming from my lips. When you drift from a close relationship, I think one of the first things to go is typically praise, adoration and affection.  You just don't feel like it any longer because you are either frustrated, hurt or simply too busy and preoccupied.  Taking a look at my own relationship with the Lord, I'm being honest when I say I've become quite preoccupied.  My heart has desired to do the right thing - and it's not that I've been running from Him - but all that "stuff" that has to be done, although good and worthwhile, is really good at getting in the way of my worship and prayer life.  I think it is no coincidence that Psalm 91:1 coins the term "secret place of the Most High" when referring to being in God's presence.  Anyone can come to the house of the Lord, and enter into salvation.  Not everyone learns to seek Him and find Him in his secret place.

Back to the idea of the young intern at the hospital.  What she really wants to do is practice medicine, and focus on the people whom she needs to treat.  She looks at the hurting individual, and wants to show care and concern, while providing healing.  My pessimism was focused on the long, grueling hours; crowded emergency rooms and lack of qualified professionals to spend "quality", personal time with each patient.  This is the unfortunate reality of our over-stressed medical system.

Thankfully, our relationships don't quite have to work that way.  I know that regarding my relationship with God, there are specific answers to dealing with all the "stuff" and busyness of this life.  Matthew 11:28-30 depicts what life should be like if we are truly following Jesus.

Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.

When we make Him our priority, and refrain from making all the tasks and duties our priority, we will find true rest for our souls.  Is it hard to be a Christian and follow all the teachings of the Bible?  Unequivocally, "YES!".  However, it shouldn't be hard to simply come to Jesus and learn from Him.  Out of the relationship springs obedience.  Additionally, out of real relationship, we learn what is actually important, and what we should be laying down.

To the same degree, this concept is quite verifiable in our family relationships.  The reason you marry someone is not so you can be "great roommates" and help each other with the menial tasks and split the rent bill.  We get married because of the relationship... because we love to commune with that person and tell them our hopes and fears.   The same goes for children.  Although to some it may appear that I had lots of kids so they could do all the housework for me, and take care of me when I become old and weary... well, the truth is, I had lots of kids because I look forward to the wonderful years ahead of us as we grow our relationship from merely parent and child to friends.

This has become another one of those posts where I show you the ugliness inside my heart.  I guess that's what happens when you're human... I'm working on it though, and I hope that I've encouraged all the other "hard working, duty-driven, task-focused individuals" to take a long, honest look at what drives you.  

Sometimes, we're better off deleting our un-ending "To Do" lists, and just learn to BE... It means you spend a lot more time sitting and listening.  It means you take the time to remember what drew you to the relationship in the first place.  Whether your struggle is in your marriage, with your kids or with God (or...all three), I think the healing begins when you're willing to sink into the comfy couch and just STOP.