Pushing Baby Birds Out Of My Nest...

I am astonished at how quickly time passes.  My eldest daughter is counting down until she can get her learner's permit (just 2 1/2 years to go) and my youngest will be walking any day now, and no longer be considered a baby, but a toddler.

With my children's growth and maturing, I've discovered a few things about the way I parent.  I've seen parents who seem to push their little ones out of the nest, into life's adventures, and those who coddle and baby their children and refuse to let them grow up, take chances, and make mistakes.

I'm recognizing something within myself that seeks to hold onto every moment; but as an extension of that emotion, fears my children's independence.  Holding on is not a bad thing in and of itself, but any mother can take that to the extreme and keep her child from advancing and maturing. 

Last year, I took a deep breath and let my kids (then 6, 8 and 10) walk home from the YMCA, which is 3 1/2 blocks from our house, after their afternoon classes.  This was a huge stretch for me, even though I recognized that many parents allow their elementary aged children walk to school daily, with no real concern or anxious thoughts.  I was very, very clear in my instructions.  First, they were to call me as soon as they were assembled and ready to walk home.  Next, they must ALWAYS stick together and come straight home with no dawdling.  Sure enough, nothing extreme happened on those first independent treks, and after a year of this, I am far more comfortable and relaxed about their ability to walk back and forth between home and the Y. 

Now, I am beginning to encounter the world of autonomous play at the houses of friends from church, homeschooling groups, etc.  There is the dreaded request for sleepovers... and I must admit, I face that idea with much trepidation.  As I was contemplating one child's request for a weekend slumber party at a friend's house, I realized just how much fear was inside of my heart concerning this matter.  I found it important to assess my feelings, and determine whether they were valid or not.

First, there is the concern that the parents or family members of this friend are totally messed up, and something bad will happen.  While the likeliness of this is minimal, especially if I take the time to meet the parent/parents and keep in close contact with my child, asking how things are at their friend's house, it still remains a fear of mine.  In this situation, I must do my best to hand these fears over to the Lord, do my "due diligence" in getting to know the parents of my children's friends, and also keep an open ear and heart towards my child; talking to them about their experiences and interactions while away from home.

Next, and this thought surprised me, but I realized that I fear my kids will get into trouble if they are away from my watchful eye.  I can clearly recall some of my sleepovers as a young teen, which involved sneaking out, smoking, and making up nauseating drinks by mixing various alcohols we could siphon out of my friend's parent's liquor cabinets.  (My parents were outspoken teetotalers so my home was not the best choice for this sort of foolhardy activity.)  All of these memories of my foolish adolescent behavior leave me wondering: What if my kids decide to follow my disastrous footsteps and get into things that they shouldn't be doing?

I think this all brings me back to the idea of "letting go".  If I spend the next decade of child-rearing living in fear of what could happen, and what mistakes my children could make in the "big bad world", then I will inevitably miss out on the good things that could happen as well.  My perspective will be set on the negative and be blinded to all the positive steps that my children make as they learn and grow.  The real question is, have I done my best?   Do my children feel dutifully (and resentfully) bound to adhere to my strict standards and rules? Or have I captured my children's hearts with a desire to do the right thing, empowered by a sense of honor, respect, and above all,  a commitment to holding fast to Jesus' commandment:  

"...'you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.' This is the first commandment.   And the second, like it, is this: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no other commandment greater than these." (Mark 12:30,31)


If I have indeed raised my children in the aforementioned manner, with sensitive hearts to the feelings of others and a desire to please the Lord, then I should be able to release them into life with an attitude of boldness that is tempered by peace.  It does no good to major on the minor thing, and to magnify the small negative issues when there are so many positives to rejoice over.  I constantly hear good reports of my children's behavior towards others, specifically towards adults.  They are kind, considerate and exemplary in their love for the Lord and other people.  And yet, I must constantly remind myself of these truths... and stop worrying so much!


My babies are made to grow up and become something amazing all on their own.  For a time, I get to hold them close, then take them by the hand as they take each tentative step.  For a while, I must hold them back and restrain them before they run out into danger, unknowingly.  But there definitely comes a time to push them out of the nest and say "I believe in you!"  I must trust that I have given them the tools they need and that the Heavenly Father has created within them the ability to explore, learn and tackle life's challenges without undue hesitation and timidity.  There comes a time when I have to let go of the child who is straining against my grasp and say "I trust you." and "I'll be right here waiting for you!"  Also, for the child who is apprehensive, I have to be willing to give them a little push here and there, despite my own concerns.


Letting go doesn't mean you quit your job as mom and the various roles it entails: comforter, protector, advocate and counselor.  However, I think when a parent can not let go and trust, a child is more likely to race off and have no desire to look back.  In light of that,  I think it is important to show you care.  We can't be so afraid of offending our kids or that we'll be spoiling their fun opportunities (as innocent as they may seem), that we won't say "no" when something irks us.  We can't lose touch, and ultimately lose connection with our children's hearts and lives for the sake of giving them their freedom.


I know that I have a lot to learn about raising children into adulthood, and I can only draw upon my limited experience and the memories of my own bumpy road from adolescence to the adult I am today.  However, I've continually been prompted by the Holy Spirit in little everyday situations to listen to Him and explore the issues that are pent up in my heart.  I've learned that in order to raise emotionally and spiritually healthy children, I must pay attention to my own emotional and spiritual health.  As surprising as it was to me to realize that the root of my fears about sleepovers came from my own teenage rebellion, I can respond by taking these concerns to the Lord, and ask God to move in my heart and change my unhealthy motivations towards my kids.


It's a beautiful, miraculous event when you can stand back and see your child succeed.  I'm determined that my own fears, past failures and lack of faith will not be a hindrance to each of my little birdies as they take flight.  I'll just be sure to remind them that mama's nest is always open...

Final Update Re: Cops And My Conscience

May 25, 2011:  My new licence came in the mail today!!

I went in and got my driver's licence fixed up....
I am free to drive with no sense of guilt, and no fears of punishment!

If you have no clue what I'm talking about, you'll have to read my previous blog.


The Old:














The Temporary:

 And The New:

Looks like the new driver's licence has some funky updated security features, including a holographic image on the back of my card that changes from my driver's licence number to an image of my face!  Pretty high-tech.

So I'm all fixed up now, and good for the next 5 years unless we move again!

I Can Never Do Enough...

It's a quiet afternoon in my house and kids are either napping, or enjoying some quiet time reading.  It's a chance for me to sit down and put my feet up; maybe read a few chapters or even spend some time in prayer.

As I sit down, I can see the dining room table and notice the milk is left out - again!  I jump up to put it away, and while I'm up I clear leftover lunch dishes from the table.  Once cleared, I notice smears of ketchup and various crumbs and food bits and decide to give the table a good wipe so I don't have to deal with dried on goop later.  Of course, after the table is wiped, the floor underneath is screaming for attention as it is littlered with macaroni, a few globs of oatmeal, snips of paper from someone's craft and random colorful plastic dishes.

When the floor is finally swept clean, I can only sigh with frustration as I realized just how much junk is left out on the counter, and of course the dishwasher was not unloaded even though it's clean so I'm stuck un-loading then filling up another load and washing pots and pans by hand.  I decide to stop at mopping the floor - I feel like I've already done so much already, and it can wait.

Finally I'm back on the couch and relish the moments of silence which only end up being a minute or two, as a child awakens from their nap and my precious "mess-makers" are revived from their slumber.

I have such a hard time leaving things in an undone state.  It is as though there is a check-list in my mind that tells me that I must not stop unless everything is in order, in it's place, and under control.  I even get in trouble from my husband when he asks me to just come and sit on the couch with him and hang out and talk, but I just feel like I can't... there's too much to do, too much to take care of!

This morning at church, we learned about the two "wrong ways" to approach God, and the only right way.  One of the wrong ways is when we throw our hands up into the air and say "I give up" and then proceed to live lawlessly, doing whatever we want without limitation, with a hardened heart and numbed conscience.  The other way is trying to approach God, but doing so with all of our checklists and rules and measurements - hoping that we can make Him happy with us, so that we can be accepted.

I've often wondered what it is that makes me work so hard sometimes.  Sure, I want things to be good for my family, and I want a clean house and all of that, but if it is getting in the way of true relationship with my kids and husband - then there must be something wrong.  Why can't I just sit down in the middle of the floor and read a story to my 5 year old with the clutter of dishes on the table and dirty laundry piled up by the basement door?  I hear myself often say "Just wait... I have to do this right now!"  but that is more of an excuse, and there will always be more that I "have" to do.

When I get down to the heart of the matter, I have to look at the way I relate to God, and it is indisputably comparable to the way I relate to my family.  I've noticed that I tend to avoid talking to Him and spending time with Him when I haven't fulfilled the duties that I perceive to be necessary for Him to care about me. 

I remember a poster that we had on our kitchen door when I was a kid - it had a kitten sitting in a bowl of spaghetti with noodles all over it's head, and a caption that said:

When I do right, no one remembers.  When I do wrong, no one ever forgets.

It's phrases like this that torment us and condition us to believe that no matter how hard we work, in the end, we still will not achieve the acceptance and contentment that we crave.  I grew up in a home where there was a hearty work ethic.  If you did not work, you did not eat.  If you wanted something, it wasn't handed to you - you had to go out and work for it yourself.  It taught me to be rather self-sufficient, and I'm thankful for that, but I also felt in some ways that I was only worth the weight I pulled, and that duty was of utmost importance.

It never ceases to amaze me how the relationships we hold with family members parallel our relationship with God on so many levels.  As I seek to understand what is going on in my head, and what motivates me and causes me to constantly cycle and struggle the way I do, I'm finding that my focus is drawn back to the most important relationship in my life.  The depths of my being long and crave for fullfillment that first comes from my relationship with God.  It is the primary source of contentment, and success in my other relationships will most certainly follow success in my relationship with Jesus.

I mentioned this morning's sermon - how we can approach our relationship with God by either our works or by turning our back and saying that it's hopeless to try and please Him.  Many people swing back and forth on a pendulum between these two ways of relating to God, but the right way, and the only hope for lasting peace is the path of Grace in the middle.  Regardless of actions, regardless of how far or for how long we run from our Savior, He's only one step away when you turn around and call on His name.  Even when I feel I don't measure up and haven't read my Bible enough, ministered to enough people, prayed enough, etc, etc, He doesn't want me to "get it right" and fix myself up before I approach Him.  Repentance is about accepting His work, and coming "just as you are".  By this honest assessment of yourself, and not on your own merit, you encounter a grace beyond measure, acceptance that is unending, and a love that is indescribable. 

I want to become the kind of person who puts people first, and relationships first in life.  I feel like a lot of this will change in me as I get to know Jesus and understand His grace.  He came so that we didn't have to work our butts off!  He came to bridge the gap and take away the separation between us and His loving presence!  I just keep thinking: "When will I get it though my thick skull that He really does love me?... He loves me!!!"  The more I understand this, the more grace I will have to love others and put them first.  I will be able to set aside the temporary things like dishes and laundry and dirty floors; for the sake of knowing Him and the sake of loving and enjoying relationship with others.

We love Him because He first loved us.  (1 John 4:19)  He does not love us because we're awesome at what we do.  He does not love us because we sacrifice so much to follow Him.  He loved us before all of that.  It is by experiencing His love that I can love Him and joyfully serve Him with a right attitude. 

Perhaps next time you visit my house, you'll see more cheerios on the floor and dust bunnies hiding under the couch.  If so, that will likely be a sign of growing and deepening relationships in my home...

Cops and My Conscience

Today as I drove my kids to a birthday party, I changed lanes and then got a sudden jolt of fear as I noticed a police van directly behind me.  I checked my speed, calmed my breathing and sighed with relief when it signaled and turned into a parking lot behind me.  Sadly, this isn't the first time I've encountered a burst of tension when I intercept a police vehicle on the road.  Truth be told, I've got a secret.  I'm not the perfect mom, pastor's wife, friend, super-star (... or whatever you've labeled me with) that you think I am.  I have been driving illegally for the past year and a half.

Gasp!  It's true!  Way back when we moved into our new house in Lethbridge, I put off changing the address on my license due to the inconvenience and for monetary reasons.  At first, it wasn't a big deal - we still used the address on my licence, since it was a post office box, so I could legitimately say it was my address (just not my residence). But the months spanned into a year and a half, and we no longer have that P.O. Box, so really I have no excuse holding me back from going in and getting this procedure done and over with.  Well, I do have a couple of excuses... kids...busy life... and, ummmm... my vanity.  I keep telling myself that I'll go on a day when I've done my hair nicely and I'm wearing make-up, because I dread having one of those secret-service, escaped-convict, deranged assassin sort of photo on my driver's license.

So for all this time, it is as though there is a burning ember in my wallet, a lie, a secret, a misdemeanor that could land me a hefty ticket should the authorities catch me driving this way.  I drive under a cloud of guilt every time I remember that this should be on the top of my "to do" list.

This is not unlike a guilty conscience.  Sometimes, we have things hiding in our back pocket or under the bed or in the closet of our lives that niggle away and pop their heads up every now and then, eroding our confidence and most importantly, our sense of peace.  It could be a memory from the past; a fault or a failure - or it could be something in the present; recurring sin or emotion-driven flaws that you wish you could change.  Whatever the issue - hidden or obvious, the Christian life is made to be one of freedom from guilt and condemnation.  "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" Romans 8:1.  Also, as far as your past, scripture tells us:  "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new."  We are not meant to live under the guilt and pain of our past, nor are we to be focused on the negative in the here and now. 

Christ's death on the cross (if you believe in it, and receive His forgiveness) has brought us into a new era.  We live by a new contract that is established on grace - getting what we don't deserve - and not based on our own efforts or our perceived goodness.  How we appear in the eyes of God also has nothing to do with our present faults, sins or insecurities.  Philipians 3:10 sums it all up quite clearly:

and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith;

It's as though grace is the vehicle we drive in, and our license will never expire - it is an eternal contract, authorized by Christ's amazing sacrifice on the cross.  We needn't live under a shadow of guilt, and if you do look in the rear view mirror and see the "accuser of the brethren" (Rev. 12:10) know that he has no authority over your life.  It is up to you to receive the grace and live in it daily.  The more we understand this immeasurable gift, the easier it is to follow the Lord and live the way He wants us to.


There are areas of my life that I wish would improve, and the answer is not that I should carry around guilt and worry and fear over these things.  The answer is to focus on Jesus.  The answer is to steep myself in His grace and let Him change me from the inside.  Now that I've straightened that out, I should probably go in and fix my driver's license...

How to Focus: Close Your Eyes

Have you ever noticed how hard it is to be singlemindedly focused on what is important when we live in a world full of distractions?  Take for example my typical date night - even after 12 1/2 years, I try to "dress to impress" my husband, along with fixing my hair and make-up.  When we arrive at the restaurant, be it a Sushi place or Earls or McDonalds (not that we like the food, but it happens to be open 24 hours now, and you don't have to leave a tip!) and when we find a spot to sit, there are some uncompromisable requirements.   In fact, if we don't follow these "rules", our date and time together is in jeopardy. 

Somehow over the years, sitting and have a conversation around the dinner table has become uncomfortable for many people and obligingly, restaurants have televisions strategically placed around the room so you won't miss the score, no matter what table you're seated in.   There's a huge problem with this though.  Remember how I said that I do my best to put an effort into my appearance on date nights?  Well, unfortunately, to the male brain, a pretty wife can not compete with the bright, flashing, moving images on a tv screen.  There have been countless times in our married life when I am spilling the contents of my day over a bowl of rice vermecelli and spring rolls, and my husband has drifted from meaningful connection to a distant place... about 3 feet above my head, mounted on the wall.  So our solution (and mandatory dating protocol) has been to seat ourselves in such a way that he can't easily see the tv.  It's not that he's a jerk and that the hockey score or the news is more important to him than I am; it's just that he suffers from the common male disorder of "watch-the-moving-picture-itis".  It could be the most boring, slow-moving show, but somehow the colors and lights draw his eyes to become mesmerised despite his determination and effort. So, after all these years, we make a habit of "casing the joint" as we arrive, and asking for the less desirable seating, out of the line of sight from any televisions.


Carrying on in the same idea of distractions, I experienced a rather revolting experience a couple days ago at the gym.  I hopped onto the treadmill and began my workout, only to find that the individual next to me had chosen to watch MuchMusic on the tv that was directly in front of her, and slightly to the right of my line of vision.  I almost never even pause on this channel during the rare times that I have an opportunity to watch cable television, and it would pretty much be one of my last choices if I was forced to watch tv.  It may be called "artistic", but the music videos of our day and age (I feel) are pornographic in nature, and crammed full of lascivious, self-worshiping behavior that leaves the viewer with a twisted sense of  "party life" and immoral living.  If I were to describe a couple of the videos I saw, I feel I might be venturing into explaining something far too liscentious for this blog; that would make both myself and many of my readers uncomfortable.  Let's just say that the women dressed in their fancy "underwear" costumes, gyrating with anyone and everybody, and the not-so-subtle self-expression, is not something that I would call artistic; but sinful, lustful, wanton idolatry.  Because if you are honest with yourself, everything about "that" music is derived from a sense that "I deserve to feel good and make myself happy, no matter what it looks like".  Yuck.  If' I've stepped on some toes, I'm sorry... this is my perspective (and my Blog, I might add!), and I feel that my perspective also accurately lines up with what the Bible professes and upholds.

However, let's get back to the subject on hand - I wasn't planning on bashing modern music, but rather discuss the idea of distractions.  Given the nature of the music videos, almost directly in my line of sight, I had great difficulty keeping myself from watching!  I seriously contemplated closing my eyes, because like moths drawn to the light, my eyes would keep wandering back to the screen in disgusted fascination.  Unfortunately closed eyes and intense cardio training do not mix, as the disorientation and dizziness set in almost immediately.  So instead, I tried to memorize the license plates of cars in the parking lot that was in view of the window directly in front of me:  "CYR 117" on the early 90's model Oldsmoblie and "PMB 778" on a blue minivan.


Of course, all the issues and idea of distraction got me thinking deep thoughts... as the odd situations in life generally do.  I began to compare the effect of television trying to distract me, to the "off the beaten path" everyday circumstances in my personal life that distract me from my goals and purposes.  For instance, when I'm trying to teach the kids, and a major catastrophe breaks out and "so-and-so" has poked "what's-his-face" in the arm again, and we aren't focused on the Bible passage we were reading, and I nearly blow my top for the 32nd time that day, forgetting that we're supposed to be learning about grace and peace and the goodness of God.... yah, I become quite distracted.  What a fantastic example I am to my kids!  (NOT!)

In light of an existence that  promotes busyness and ongoing stimulus, I've come to terms with the fact that I need to develop a coping mechanism for the frequent occasions where I'm thrown off track.  I can't make the distractions go away - and hiding out from the world only works for a short time.  I love the scripture: "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!" from Psalm 46:10.  Given our frenetic tendencies in society today, and knowing the fact that I have committed myself to a very busy, active household with 6 kids, I MUST fall back onto my relationship with God and the fact that He wants to be the center of my life and my purposes.  However, life is distracting.  Whether it is a moment of frustration at the people around me, or whether it is the mundane day-to-day necessities like dishes and laundry and bad traffic - we aren't encouraged to be centred and focussed on God.  Instead, we focus on whatever is poking and prodding us, or whatever voice is the loudest in our heads, or whatever lights flash most brightly in our line of sight. 

In all of this rambling, I've come up with a solution for myself.  When the cyclone of human existence and all of it's mess is raging around me, I have the option to stare wide-eyed in panic and clamor in an effort to control myself; or I can close my eyes and seek the God who knows all, sees all and who will be exalted in this earth.  I think that by the simple act of submission in closing my eyes and saying a prayer - even just "HELP!", I will be purposefully setting aside the distractions and giving God an opportunity to be glorified in my life.

I'm so thankful for a God who is present.  We don't have to go to a sanctuary or temple to get His attention; He is always available and desiring to be involved in your situation.  So next time I feel like life is jolting me off track, and my temper flares or I'm just genuinely frustrated with stuff, I'm going to head into His presence.  In the midst of life, we can take a moment to shut our eyes (please don't do this if you are operating heavy machinery at the time!) and we can be still for a moment, knowing that He truly is God.  Inasmuch as we allow Him an opportunity to help us at times of distraction, I believe life will become more on track and purposeful than we ever thought possible.  As I seek to live a more focused, purposeful life, I'm learning that all I really need is to be centered and focused on God.

Good Grief

On Saturday, I was away at the beautiful Chateau Lake Louise, surrounded by the beautiful Rocky Mountains and hundreds of beautiful ladies.  Yet, in the evening as we sang songs that lifted up praise to the Lord and rejoiced in His goodness, a wave of grief struck the core of my being.  It wasn't unexpected, really.  In fact, Saturday was exactly 4 years to the day that I was told I had lost a baby, and that my pregnancy had ceased.

I'm not one to be sentimental about many things - I try not to hang onto trinkets and Christmas cards and I even tossed out my wedding bouquet a few years back because it looked like a heap of dead yellow flowers and really held little resemblance to the emblem of love and life that it used to be!  Yet there is something sacred about revisiting the memories of that fateful day of my loss, as I seek to uphold the image and value of a child I never knew. I find a sense of comfort in the painful ritual of brooding over the details and vivid images etched in my mind.  It's not that I want to contemplate the negative, but I know of no other way to commemorate the life of my baby, having little information to cling to, other than grief.

I have a special song I like to listen to, that deals with the pain of losing a baby.  (Glory Baby by Watermark) It lifts my eyes heavenward, knowing that the Father loves and protects my baby now; knowing that my little one is in a place that experiences no pain, regret or sadness.  I've made a habit of spending some time in prayer, and asking Jesus to hug my little girl, and let her know that I can't wait to meet her.  I have learned to grieve, and I know that grief is a tool that leads to healing.  Without these moments where I give myself the freedom to cry, I know bitterness would take root and my heart would be hardened.  It hurts to love, and it's harder still to have lost one whom you loved; but as the old adage claims:


I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

(Alfred Lord Tennyson,  In Memoriam:27, 1850)

Life holds many seasons for us as frail and imperfect humans.   We are all exposed to numerous peaks and valleys of varying degree as we walk through life.  Yesterday, as I was walking to the gym, I was revived by the sense and signs of spring that were abundantly present.  The grass is becoming green, tulips and daffodils are poking up out of the dirt, and the ever-present chirp of robins seems to be ushering in the warmth and growth of new life.

Grief can be a winter in our lives, that seems to seep it's deathly chill deep down into our hopes and dreams.  It can be hard to recover from loss, and often times you feel so numb that you can not imagine how life will ever seem normal and healthy again.  When I was once stuck in that murky fog, I had very few anchors.  The obvious anchor was my family and friends who upheld me and surrounded me in their love.  The other was a root of indescribable hope in God's love.  It's not that I was feeling very loved by Him at the time, and many questions rose up in accusation against Him.  Yet, deep deep down, in the depths of my heart, I knew He was real and that He loved me.  I can't claim to understand the reasons for pain and suffering, but I have learned that I can always trust Him.

I'm glad it's May.  I'm excited about gardening and little buds that burst into vivid green leaves, filling the vast mosaic that was previously overridden by dismal greys and browns.  There is hope anew.  There are new joys to behold.  I was broken and shattered, and felt like a barren tree blasted by winter's cruelty.  Yet my tears have watered the soil of my heart and I've received "beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning, The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;" (Isaiah 61:3)  From the midst of my sorrows, the ones whom I love have become all the more precious to me, and I cherish each day with them as a immeasurable gift.

An Inconvenient Life

Last night, the sound of a crying baby was seeping into my dreams, until I woke up and realized that it was a real baby - my crying, teething baby.  I spent the weekend away from home, getting precious little sleep (and making up for it with fun and festivities that ensued well into the night) so I had hoped to get some decent rest once I was back in my comfy bed.  Yet that was not to be, and I've been woken up numerous times, both nights since I've returned.

Is is just me, or is life ridiculously inconvenient?  I am constantly bombarded by situations which I did not sign up for, attitudes from people (mostly my children) which are not called for, and a vast array of circumstances that challenge my sense of calm and sanity.

Whenever you mop the floor, there's often a child nearby with muddy boots, ready to trample through the house.

When you neatly fold a pile of laundry, a baby crawls along and takes pleasure in decimating the pile, tossing clothes all over the room.

When there are no socks in your drawer, you can never find two matching ones in the clean laundry basket.

When you want to be left alone in peace and quiet, there's often someone needing your attention and time.

Much of our lives warrant a public outcry of "It's not fair!" and I'm not just talking about the trivial - laundry and mud, snowy days in spring and running out of milk when you wanted to make a latte.  I don't like when I see my friends suffer, and go through hardship and I prefer not to have to deal with sucky-ness myself.

So after a negative rant such as this, I know I must turn my thoughts heavenward.  For a long time, it never occurred to me that Jesus understood the nastiness of our annoying, and frustrating world.  I figured that since he was God on earth, He must have some magical happy attitude that enabled Him to respond perfectly in every situation without any difficulty.  While I believe that He did respond perfectly, He still had to wrestle the emotions and frustrations that come from being human.  We always picture Jesus as being stoic and exuberantly gracious and calm, yet scripture seems to indicate that He went through some measure of highs and lows, and he routinely had to get out of the limelight and have some "me" time.  Yet, I can interpret his "me" time to be a lot more about communion and fellowship with the Father (as seen in scripture that He often went off to pray by himself) than it was about lamenting and agonizing over what is not "fair".

In Matthew 5:1, Jesus sees the multitudes, goes up on a mountain and sits down and is surrounded by his disciples.  He speaks to the crowd, teaching them over the course of the next few chapters.  Then in Matthew 8:1,  He comes down from the mountain and the multitudes follow him and begin to make a plethora of requests.  After a whirlwind of activity that involved healing a leper, a paralytic, and Peter's feverish mother; along with casting out demons and healing many other sick people in the crowd, Jesus takes a look at the multitudes and realizes that it's time for a break! (Mt 8:18 "When Jesus saw that a curious crowd was growing by the minute, he told his disciples to get him out of there to the other side of the lake." The Message)  Immediately following this scripture is the story of Jesus napping in the boat, when a storm comes and freaks out his disciples and He has another "issue" to take care of.  Once again He is shown to be putting other people's needs above His own desire for solitude and rest!  And I thought I had troubles!

When I spent some time digging into scripture, I realized that Jesus well understood the plight of the weary, overworked, over-extended individual.  That spoke specifically to me about His ability to empathize and understand the life of a busy, young mother.  While He didn't have crying babies and sticky hands pulling on His jeans, asking to be "up", He did have crying, desperate people needing healing and deliverance, along with various people (including those considered "outcasts" and unclean) reaching out to touch the hem of His garment.  Everyone wanted His attention, He could rarely get away - and I know He understands my life.

I know what I must do.  I know that there are going to be times where I have to keep going, and keep plugging away despite the weariness and frustration.  I even know that I should be seeking God for an infilling of His peace and contentment and strength.  This is all fine and dandy (I'm not trying to be sarcastic... but it does get frazzling once in a while).   However, there is the knowing of what I must do and then there is the accepting and acting on it.  Ultimately, what enables me to accept God's grace in every situation is knowing that He sympathizes with my life.  He gets it.  He lived it and walked it, and even though the specific details were different from my own, He experienced similar emotions to what I continually face.

I might not get very many opportunities to wander off into the wilderness and pray like Jesus did when He needed a break, but at least I have a lock on my bedroom door.   Once inside, I can attempt to ignore the little fists hammering incessantly, and the continual high-pitched exclamations of: "Mommy, Mommy, Mommmeeeeee!!!!"