Woman's Work

Prov 31 (The Message Version)
17 First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started. 18 She senses the worth of her work, is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.

My husband is very sweet, telling me that he sees me to be like the Proverbs 31 woman - more so than anyone he knows. I know I certainly try... I've learned that the most joy in life will be from giving, and the people closest to me to give to are my husband and children. It sure makes a difference in my day when I am able to focus on them and commit my time to them, with joy!

I think the key to being a good wife/mother is Prov 31:18 "She senses the worth of her work". How many women play down their role, thinking... Oh, I'm just taking care of snotty nosed kids... I'd be better off putting them in daycare and getting a "real" job. Or how often do we show less regard for our husbands in the way we talk to them and care for them, then we would show for the grocery checker at the local supermarket?

My family is so worth it. God planned for us, planned for our family and the specific mix of personalities and character that are particular to us. He knew all along the way I would stuggle sometimes with personality issues that I feel clash between me and my kids!!

Okay... back to another exciting day in a household of 4 energitic kids (and one overdue baby!).

New Thoughts for the New Year

Being in a new year always brings me to consider my actions and experiences of the past year. I don't want to grow stagnant, I really do want to improve year by year.

I feel like last year was a set-back for me. Honestly, at the beginning of the year I was flying high! I was back from the mission field, getting settled into our first real house, doing a pretty good job homeschooling, and ABOVE ALL, I was finally back into daily devotions. Then it all came crashing down on me when I had the miscarriage.

It was as if my spiritual walk grew completly numb. I still believed in God - I've known Him for too many years to turn away from Him. But I lost faith - mostly in myself. I couldn't understand why something so bad would happen when I had been doing everything so right. I had concisouly been trying to be a good mom, good wife, good Christan, good church-member. And at the top of my "goodness", it all fell apart.

I actually wanted to be depressed, but I knew I couldn't for the sake of my kids and my wonderful husband.

I didn't really talk to God for a LONG time... except for my tiny little cracked open door every night when Dan and I would say our "bedtime prayers" together.

Why is it that you must eventually say "I will never understand, but I have to move on..."?

So I'm moving on.

I can't give up on following Jesus wholeheartedly. I guess I feel like I have no other options. Even when it is hard and doesn't make any sense... where else could I turn? I think I understand what the disciples meant when they were saying to Jesus - "Leave you? Where would we go? You have to words of LIFE!"

Here's what it says in The Message: John Chapter 6

60 Many among his disciples heard this and said, "This is tough teaching, too tough to swallow." 61 Jesus sensed that his disciples were having a hard time with this and said, "Does this throw you completely? 62 What would happen if you saw the Son of Man ascending to where he came from? 63 The Spirit can make life. Sheer muscle and willpower don't make anything happen. Every word I've spoken to you is a Spirit-word, and so it is life-making. 64 But some of you are resisting, refusing to have any part in this." (Jesus knew from the start that some weren't going to risk themselves with him. He knew also who would betray him.) 65 He went on to say, "This is why I told you earlier that no one is capable of coming to me on his own. You get to me only as a gift from the Father." 66 After this a lot of his disciples left. They no longer wanted to be associated with him. 67 Then Jesus gave the Twelve their chance: "Do you also want to leave?" 68 Peter replied, "Master, to whom would we go? You have the words of real life, eternal life. 69 We've already committed ourselves, confident that you are the Holy One of God."


Following Jesus isn't always easy... especially in this fallen world where life just doesn't make sense. But following Jesus is all I really know to do now. I couldn't turn my back on Him. I couldn't walk away. I'm ruined for anything else.

One step in front of the other. I keep going... letting my faith be strengthened day by day.

Should I stay or should I go?

I feel like I'm dealing with issues of contentment right now. Over the past 6 months or so, I've been unhappy living away from my Calgary friends and Dan and I thought of ways to make a move to Calgary possible. Sometimes I just feel so alone and wish there were other people more "like me" around. Some of the friends I have in Calgary, I've know for well over 10 years and we've grown together; getting married, having babies, all of that! You can't trade a relationship like that for anything in the world!

But then when we get to thinking of what God has given to us here in Lethbridge, we are so very blessed. We have a great home with enough space and bedrooms; a wood stove that heats the house very well; a huge fenced yard; a huge garage.... We have a church that appreciates us and our ability to contribute to marriages and families. And we sure appreciate our pastor! I have a great homeschooling support system. The kids have lots of great activities they can be involved in here, in a small community environment.

This has made me realize that I wasn't really asking God where we are supposed to be right now; I was just wanting to believe that we could move to Calgary because I really want (and thought I needed) to be there. But it is almost as if He is asking us to trust Him with those issues (my desire for friends for me, and good peers for my older children). It is a frightening thing... but when it all comes down to it, the thought of moving AGAIN was stressful, and felt like we were striving to make something happen.

Then I start to hear that little voice again "Trust me..."

I remember that there is One who has a better perspective than me, better plans than mine and loves me more than I can imagine.

I feel a lot of relief in trusting Him and His plans. I have to remember that my ideas aren't always the best ones. I look at how far God's brought us, and I can't deny His ability to lead us on good paths.... if we listen and trust Him.

I'm curious to see how this will all work out; but He does promise to provide for all my needs: physical, emotional, spiritual.

Trust and obey
For there's no other way
To be happy in Jesus
but to trust and obey.

It's a boy!

Yahoo! We found out we're going to be having another boy!
I have been on cloud nine since my doctor's appointment on Monday. I feel so much happiness and like our family will be complete. I'm so glad Ethan doesn't have to be disappointed and that the kids' prayers have been answered. (My prayers too, although I was almost afraid to ask!)

YAHOOOOO! A big thank you to God for this one!

Do I measure up?

Things that mean I'm an okay mom:
I painted pictures with the kids
I made fresh bread for them (okay, I used the breadmaker)
I did a load of laundry
I helped Ethan practice piano and took him to his lesson
I breastfed my 1 1/2 year old (I haven't weaned her yet mostly because I know it is so good for her)
I made lunch for my family
I helped all 3 "big" kids with a little bit of schoolwork


Why do I feel so badly about myself? I struggle constantly with wanting to get more done, and do more and be better... I feel like I'm lacking in so many ways. I don't want anyone to read my blog anymore or they'll think I'm a depressed person. Dan tells me all the time that I'm the best Mommy he knows out of all our friends (so kind of him to say!) but I feel like I lack in so many areas.

On Saturday and Sunday I started to get scared a little about this baby, that something might be wrong because I wasn't really feeling much movement. The thing is, it's still pretty early, so it's not like I should have been feeling a lot of regular movement yet. But I started to get scared again. I HATE that fear. Like I have no control over the situation, yet it is so close to me that I should be able to do something!!!! Finally, on Sunday, I realized that what I needed to recognise is that this is Gods baby all the way. I have to surrender this baby to God, doing my best, but ultimately this baby belongs to Him. And I guess that's the way it is with my other kids too. They belong to God. I should do what I can, but they belong to Him, and I have to trust Him with my kids' lives and hearts.

I'm trying, I'm trying. I just long to be better. And I don't think that is totally wrong - as long as I'm not grovelling in the dirt, beating myself up in self-pity. I have to take my eyes off myself. See, I'm preaching to myself now. I can do this right... just have to look to God a whole lot more!!!!

By the way, I had an ultrasound on Monday and baby is completely healthy and perfect the way he/she should be. Yay!

Happy Heart

Okay, I've been looking back on my blogs and I feel like I've been so NEGATIVE! Egad! It's not that I spend all my time depressed... I guess this has just been a place to really sort out my feelings.

I am very happy and thankful for healthy, beautiful kids. Sure I worry about them sometimes, and wonder if I'm doing things right or doing enough, but I really should trust God to take care of them. And I do.

I'm happy and thankful for a GREAT marriage. We have our growing pains, but we are growing - closer and more in love all the time. We don't fight and we don't disagree on where we should be going in life. It is wonderful to have that kind of harmony.

There... I feel a little better. As they say in Veggietales "A thankful heart is a happy heart". It's okay for me to be working through things with God, but I want to make sure I'm not always in a dark hole when I post. Sometimes I need to fix my thoughts on the good things!

Wretched man that I am!

Romans Chapter 7:

15 I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.

24 Wretched man that I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?

Oh God, this is me.... I feel like I've been a slave to sin. No, not in the big things - I'm not an adulterer, I'm not killing or stealing or anything like that. But what does it really matter if I am not really alive in Christ if I continually live and act in a way that is not free from the law of sin and death?

I am continually frustrated with my level of spirituality on a day-to-day basis. I know to do right, and I don't do it. I know that I need God, but I don't seek Him. I know I need His strength, but I don't inquire of the Holy Spirit to enliven me with His power.

I can't stay here. I can't live in this place or I will die.

Romans 8:
6 To set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace

Time and time again, I feel like I'm kicking myself in the butt, telling myself "Lisa, stop being stupid... you've got to change!" I feel like I'm wasting so much time.

What does it take, how do I focus on things of the spirit and not the things of the flesh? I always have my excuses, it seems; I'm tired...I'm sick...I've got 4 kids...we just moved....going on vacation....

It's all crap to be honest. Life will never be empty enough for me to FINALLY live the right life for God.

Is this okay God? Can I repent and give it a try again? I feel like I've asked this a million times already, but I guess it's better for me to keep trying than to give up. It's that thought alone that confirms to me that I do have something with God... I have been close enough with Him in the past, and there's still enough of a tie now that I keep getting drawn back - I can't run away completely.

I'm trying again....