Hunger... (and learning I don't need to be a scavenger)

Being a mother of six means that life can be fairly hectic at times, as we are a family that enjoys a moderate amount of extracurricular activities such as gymnastics and music lessons. So if you take a moderate amount of activities multiplied by a large amount of kids, it equals a lot of running around and crazy days!

Monday night was no exception, and I found myself waiting in the van for my oldest kids while they attended a monthly group piano lesson. The only problem is, I was famished! Okay, not truly famished, (because I often tell my kids that they don't comprehend the literal meaning of that word) but I felt pretty darn hungry! I knew we would have supper waiting for us at home, but I had just worked out at the gym while the kids were in swimming lessons, and now I had to wait for 45 minutes until this class was over and we could go home and eat.

For some reason my stomach felt much more empty than normal, and was grumbling loudly. I tried to distract myself with a book, but even the suspenseful story wasn't working. I rummaged in my purse and noticed some Halls left over from a cold I had the week before. Hmmm.... sugary and temporarily satisfying. I felt a little dishonest having a Halls without a sore throat, so I gave a weak, fake cough and figured there was enough "cold" left in me to merit eating one.

Sadly, the Halls lasted a mere 5 minutes, and within minutes after that, I realized I was still hungry. Apparently sugar and menthol have no tummy-filling abilities. Considering I was in a mini-van that was continually filled with children traveling to and fro, I thought I would search around and perhaps find a stay granola bar or cookie. I first looked in the glove box and saw a round, whitish object; just the size of a sugar cookie. Score! I grabbed it and immediately sensed that something was wrong. This "cookie" was extremely hard and probably inedible. If indeed it had ever been a cookie, it was now mummified. I then noticed the etchings of a child's initials across the surface and remembered that this was no cookie! It was a craft my kids had made many months ago, with salt-clay. Yuck!

Since there was nothing more than leftover crafts, an emergency diaper, insurance papers and other random junk in the glove box, I had to get more adventurous in my search. I began to shovel through the children's debris that layered the van's floor. (Yes, I admit it! Our van tends to be on the messy side.) As I pushed papers and books and bags aside, I saw a take-out menu for Papa John's. My mouth began to water as I gazed at the tantalizing pizzas. Sadly, this was no time for ordering take out... it probably wouldn't arrive before the lesson was over, anyway!

In the next few moments, I discovered many potentially edible objects. There was half of a stale, dried out blueberry bagel; a shriveled up piece of an orange; a mini-container of margarine in a bag that had held a muffin from the McDonald's drive-thru; and then the obviously inedible: a blackened, shriveled-up, slightly slimy banana peel. YUCK! I even found my husband's empty can of cherry coke in the cup-holder of the van, but when I tried to shake the last drops into my mouth, I discovered that they had dried to a thick syrup, coating the bottom of the can. Okay... this was not working out very well!

I then realized I was not so desperate to eat food off of the floor of our van. Who am I kidding though - it's not just about desperation - it would be more like making myself a human test subject for breaking the record of how long food can be on the floor and still be safe to eat! (You know, like the the "5-second-rule"). I was back in my purse again, with my hand hovering over the Halls. Nah.... Then I found my Maple Sugar Liplicous Tasty Lip Color and decided to put some on. The mouthwatering artificial aroma drifted up to my nose and I'll admit, I licked some off of my lips just like my 5 year old would do and ate some!

When it became firmly established in my mind that there was nothing I could eat in the van, I settled on being patient and waiting the last 25 minutes or so until my kids would be done their lesson. There was real food at home... and I wasn't truly famished. This did however get me to thinking about the nature of hunger and cravings. Hunger is an all-consuming drive. We as humans cannot survive for more than about 40 days without food (and that is at risk to damaging some of your organs and causing your body to break down tissue -your muscles- in effort to keep other vital systems running). Most people can't go a full day without feeling quite hungry, and we in North America are so used to feeding our faces whenever we have the slightest sense of perceived "hunger".

The dictionary defines hunger as "a strong or compelling desire or craving". We can certainly relate this to food, but the idea of hunger can be applied to many other areas of our lives. I began to wonder what I hunger for in life. How much do I hunger for God? I asked myself these questions and began to ponder the longings deep in my heart.

I know that deep down, I hunger for love and acceptance. I need this more than anything else in life - in fact, there have been times in my life where I didn't feel secure and loved and this affected my physical appetite. My hunger for love was greater than my hunger for food. I also hunger to know that my life and my kids' lives are going to turn out. That we'll make it through the gauntlet of child-raising and family life and come out successful on the other side. So in actuality, this tells me I'm longing for peace and knowing that God is going to take care of us.

Knowing that these are my driving needs and *hungers* in life, tell me that deep down what I'm hungry for is God. He is the one who can satisfy these deep longings in my life, and give me peace and security related to these needs. By knowing Him and entrusting my fears to Him, I would learn that He does want to take care of me. I would know Him and be secure.

I remember as a child, being told the illustration that there is a "God-shaped-hole" in each of us. We can spend our entire lives searching for things to fill that space in our heart, but only a relationship with God will satisfy that hunger. It seems that the things I long for most can easily be satisfied by learning to be satisfied in God. The more I get to know Him, the more I realize He is concerned with my entire life - my emotions, my family, my marriage. To top it all off, He created me to naturally be hungry for the hope and security and peace that He offers. I can try to quench the hunger with other things, but they are temporary and artificial at best.

Psalm 63: 1-5 talks about a longing, desperation and hunger that is satisfied by seeking God:

O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

We spend much of our lives with a sense of need; a hunger, really, for something that isn't satisfied by anything on earth. We commit ourselves to seek after intellectual pursuits or emotional attachments or even physical food to satisfy a hunger and longing that is like a bottomless pit. When you read Isaiah 55:1-3a, you get a pretty clear image of our fruitless attempts to fill our human longings:

"Hey there! All who are thirsty, come to the water! Are you penniless? Come anyway - buy and eat! Come, buy your drinks, buy wine and milk. Buy without money - everything's free! Why do you spend your money on junk food, your hard-earned cash on cotton candy? Listen to me, listen well: Eat only the best, fill yourself with only the finest. Pay attention, come close now, listen carefully to my life-giving, life-nourishing words." (The Message)

It's easy to get caught up pursing what will only temporarily satisfy. Too often, you can coast along in life and keep yourself going on "junk food", only to find out that when a crisis occurs, or you go through a particularly trying season in life, you just don't have the endurance required. However, by filling up on the right things; by filling up with what God provides, the hunger is quenched and you can be sustained through the most adverse trials. What God gives ensures that you don't have to walk through your life feeling like something is missing - you don't have to struggle with a sense of lack.

We can be filled; we can be satisfied! We don't have to go through life hungry and feeling the ache of longing inside our hearts. Best of all, everything's free - this is a gift from a loving, compassionate Father who cares deeply about you. Why would you bother scrounging the floor of the mini-van when this extravagant gift is offered to you?

How Do You Compare?

There's a place where people become swept up into eager expressions of vanity and prideful showmanship. It's a spectacle of the power of human accomplishment. Or, you could be reaching for success in a fitful climb to greater physical achievement. I'm talking about the gym.

I *love* how there are so many mirrors at the gym. Continually guys and girls check themselves out - sometimes unabashedly, other times with a sideways look as they walk by their reflection. Maybe you've noticed the LuLu Lemon variety with their headbands, exercise top and yoga pants all sporting the LuLu Lemon logo. These are the girls who often have gone to great lengths to do their hair, as if being at the gym is more about being seen than it is about the work-out they plan to do there. And we can't forget the macho men - the ones with bulging muscles who strain profusely and watch their biceps furtively in the mirror, as the veins in their heads pop out and they work to become greater, more powerful and mightier than their peers.

Then there is me. And who am I kidding? It would be wrong of me to describe the people I observe at the gym on a weekly basis, without being honest about myself.

I admit that I compare myself to the girl working herself to a frenzy on the elliptical trainer. I tell myself that she's thinner because she has a different body type, yet in some ways I still allow myself to become frustrated and wonder if I should work out harder. I also have fallen way to the sin of pride at times, as I run on the treadmill, stealing glances at the runner next to me and realizing that I'm faster. I compare myself to others. I shouldn't compare, but there is something in me that looks for a way to measure my existence and worth, and it is so easy to do so by looking at the examples next to me - using the real life people whom I know nothing about.

This dismal behavior doesn't seem to stop at the gym, but is so easy to carry into other areas of life. I can compare my clothing, parenting, cooking, education, home, and even my "wifeliness" (how great of a wife I feel I am). It's just that in the end, I feel short-changed and the temporary satisfaction I may feel by judging myself as "better" than someone else is quickly thwarted by the fact that I can easily find someone who looks and appears to be better than me. If I take it a step farther, there are even times when I can compare my family, marriage - and namely my kids to others, and I cheapen their individuality and God-given gifts by turning them into a commodity that I can rate to then provide myself with feelings of pride or disappointment.

I've been convicted over the last few years of the ugliness of comparison. As my oldest daughter grows into the awkward tween years, and has begun to be aware of the harsh, judgmental world around her (that has so many ideas of who she should be and look like) I've sobered up in realization of my own worldliness and unhealthy views of myself.

We often hear how important it is to have a good self-image. We are admonished to promote a pride and sense of identity, that everyone is special and unique. While I agree that it is important to have a sense of self-worth, I would question how one derives this sense of worth. Too often, I think we (mostly us women) spend far too much time comparing ourselves to others - or simply comparing ourselves to a bunch of made up rules and standards we hold within our minds, and we lack a focus on the individual that God has uniquely created us to be.

Imagine a school with no grade levels, and individualized classes and programs. Each student would be marked according to their individual effort and not compared to one another with standardized tests and percentiles. Grades would be achieved based on each student's personal best effort - not based on how they compared to others. This type of school may only exist in the realms of my imagination, however I do think this is an example of how we are measured in the grand scheme of life. 1 Samuel 16:7 tells us that "Man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart." In everything we do, God isn't comparing us to how well others have done before us, or by how well those beside us are doing - God simply looks at our hearts. He knows exactly the challenges we face, and the emotional hurdles we battle. He knows our past, our pains, our successes and whether or not we have been granted a firm foundation in life. When He determines our success, He looks at what is going on inside our hearts and He has a all-encompassing view of whether we truly have put our best effort into life or not.

When we compare ourselves to others, we have no idea what is going on in the inner sanctum of their lives. We don't know the challenges they face, and it is not up to us to judge the productivity of others. Additionally, when we compare ourselves to others, we remove ourselves from the accountability to the One who truly knows us, inside and out. Ultimately, the only measurement we should use to feel successful, worthy and accomplished, is the kind of measurement that comes from being sincere and open before God.

I love what Paul says in Philippians 3:8,9. He had all the qualifications to credit himself as having a superior status among the people around him, yet he laid it all down to become a follower of Christ. Here's what he said, captured so poetically in the Message translation:

Yes, all the things I once thought were so important are gone from my life. Compared to the high privilege of knowing Christ Jesus as my Master, firsthand, everything I once thought I had going for me is insignificant - dog dung. I've dumped it all in the trash so that I could embrace Christ and be embraced by him. I didn't want some petty, inferior brand of righteousness that comes from keeping a list of rules when I could get the robust kind that comes from trusting Christ - God's righteousness.

While Paul may be talking specifically about holiness, and how "righteous" he could make himself out to be according to his actions, I think the same perspective can be applied to other areas of our lives. We measure ourselves by how "good" we feel we are, and by how successful we are at life. The problem is, our perspective of who we are and what we're worth becomes pretty empty if we measure ourselves by society's standards. Riches are fleeting - one tragic event can erase your net worth and put you in financial ruin. Beauty fades; everyone will grow older and more wrinkled in time! There is always going to be someone stronger, smarter and faster - adversely, you can always find someone whom you can outwit, belittle or show-up. That being said, it doesn't matter what other people think of me, and it doesn't matter how I feel compared to other people.

I want to be embraced by something more meaningful. I want to raise my kids to measure themselves based not on what their peers think of them - or even what I think of them! What matters is our hearts. What matters is whether you are doing your personal best, and placing all your merit and justification and hope in Christ.

"If you want to claim credit, claim it for God." What you say about yourself means nothing in God's work. It's what God says about you that makes the difference.

-2 Cor 10: 17,18 The Message

Speaking with an Inside Voice

I was drifting in a land that wasn't real, and hearing noises that seemed to be filtered through a tunnel. The colors began to blur into one another and I knew I was sleeping, and didn't want to wake up. But there was this call back to reality, a whisper that cut like dull scissors into the balloon reality of my dream, and sucked the life out of it.

"Pssstt.... Moooooommm!!!" an urgent little voice whispered. "Moooooom!" It was quiet, yet insistent, and despite the fact that the whispering came from outside of my bedroom door, I couldn't deny hearing it. My attention was required. I could barely prop my eyelids open and I notice the red numbers on the clock: 3:16am. I'm like a drunk when I am pulled prematurely from my slumber - the room seems to spin and I stumble around and feel lost! Regardless, my mother's heart was stronger than my worn-out mother's body, and I was propelled to respond to the needs of my child.

We aren't often confronted by a quiet voice in life. Too often, the voices that speak to us are loud, demanding, and sometimes obnoxious. It's a rare thing that my children will talk to me in anything quieter than a roar. I constantly chide them to use their "inside voice". It's not entirely their fault though - their father is known to have a voice that can overtake a room full of people!

There is someone who consistently speaks quietly to me, though. He always speaks gently. He often waits for me to be quiet and still before speaking. He never yells at me, and I wouldn't consider him demanding. Often He is trying to speak and I'm too busy and preoccupied to listen.

I had a bizarre experience a few weeks ago, when I was shopping. I was pushing my cart - loaded up with small kids and toilet paper, apples, butter and milk, and I heard behind me someone calling my name "Lisa!" I turned and saw other people shopping, but there was no one I knew, and it didn't look like anyone was calling me. I was puzzled, and thought I must be hearing things, but I had a peculiar feeling. I continued on with my shopping, bought my groceries and was then on my way out the store when it happened again. This time, I clearly heard "Lisa" from the entrance of the store, just ahead of me, on my right. I stopped in my tracks and peered to my right - but there was just a couple of East Indian women wearing saris, sitting on a bench by the door chatting with each other. They weren't looking at me, and they weren't even speaking in English! I gave my head a shake and continued out to the van, to unload my groceries and kids and head home.

For the next hour or so, I was perplexed and befuddled, trying to figure out what was going on in my head - why was I seemingly hearing my name being called? What the heck? I may be a little crazy, but I'd never heard voices before!

Something occurred to me. I felt an impression that there was a message for me to glean from this experience. I realized how often I'm so busy and preoccupied with life, and God is trying to get my attention. This was a tangible admonition to "listen" and take notice.

There is a story told in the Old Testament of the Bible, of when one of God's prophets, Elijah, was feeling very alone in the world. He was in a place of terrible persecution and felt like no one else wanted to follow God. He ran off to hide in a cave, and needed an answer from God, to know what to do! God began to speak to him, and I'll pick up the story of Elijah in 1 Kings 19 -

11 Then He said, "Go out, and stand on the mountain before the Lord." And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; 12 and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice. 13 So it was, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood in the entrance of the cave. (NKJV)

I like the idea of a still small voice. Maybe it's the mother in me, but there is a certain appeal to communication that doesn't require shouting, nagging or obstinate, incessant articulation! It is intriguing to me that God could do a variety of things to show his power, and get His point across. He has the ability to tear through mountains with a ferocious wind, shake the earth with a mighty earthquake, or burn with a blazing fire - but that isn't His modus operandi ('mode of operating', in Latin). He chose a gentle communication - something that requires the audience to be quiet and to tune their ears to listen.

Another example of this in the Bible was with a young boy, Samuel, who worked and lived in the temple with one of the priests, Eli. God chose to speak by waking Samuel up at night, calling his name. At first Samuel was convinced that Eli was calling him, until the priest recognized that God seemed to be speaking to the boy and instructed him to say "Here I am" (to God) "Your servant is listening."

I think there is a certain type of receptivity required for us to hear God. It has a lot more to do with being open and aware that God wants to get through to us, than it has to do with some sort of supernatural ability. It involves not being so caught up in the "affairs of this life" (2 Tim 2:4) and not being so incredibly busy that we miss what God is trying to tell us. Clearly we can't just stop everything we're doing and sit around all day, hoping that God will start to talk to us. I have neither the time, nor the attention span at the moment to be able to engage in quiet meditation all day long! My responsibilities dictate that I must learn to listen "on my feet" so to speak. Like the day I was in the supermarket - you never know when or where God is going to put something on your heart. You don't know when He is going to reveal something to you, so it's important to be receptive and willing to slow down and listen when you feel a prompting in your heart to do so.

On the other hand, I very much believe in the art of quiet meditation. Once in a while, my house is strangely silent and still. This seems to only happen in conjunction with everyone in the house being asleep, and it being 5am, but there is something really awe-inspiring about the stillness of the "middle of the night". Sometimes, if I am up to get a glass of water, I relish the quiet. Sometimes I feel drawn to sit on the couch for a moment, and seek God's presence. Even though I should be sound asleep, and I worry that I will be tired in the morning, I chose to relish this moment of being alone, and quiet in His presence.

If you want to hear God's voice more, you have to be willing to listen carefully. He seems to speak with an "inside voice". Unfortunately, you can't just turn on the radio to "God's channel" and tune in for today's broadcast. (Although we do have the Bible to turn to for His words, whenever we need it.) It seems that if you want to know and experience God for yourself, it requires a bit of patience. It requires a willingness to stop what you are doing once in a while (or get out of your bed in the middle of the night) and say "Here I am, your servant is listening." Sometimes it requires heading out to the wilderness and standing on the mountain alone, waiting for the wind to die down, and the storms of life to calm - so that we are left alone, standing in silence. Then He speaks...

Too Much Bad News...

She stands with a shell shocked look in her eyes, tears streaming down. Her hands fall limp to her sides and her hair is disheveled and in her eyes and blowing across her face. Her lovely olive complexion and beautiful almond shaped brown eyes are marred by the devastation surrounding her. The beach is a decimated, miserable place. It looks like someone turned it into the local dump, but days before this was a humble sea shore with homes and boats and picturesque docks for fishermen and children alike. Tsunami.

Thousands of miles to the west, a family mourns. They huddle around a young man, who used his body as a message board to protest the government. Somehow in the clash of crowd control, he was beaten savagely and a blow to the head ended his young life. He was a beloved big brother and friend to many. He was someone's son and now he is gone. War.

You can't be near a computer or television these days without hearing about the suffering in Libya, Japan, or some other disaster-torn nation in the world. It's upsetting and horrifying and for the most part, doesn't seem real. Here I am, carrying on with my life and my family, and the suffering of thousands of people on the other side of the world seems like it could be suffering on another planet altogether!

I struggle with the appropriate response. There are moments when the suffering gets to me, and my heart wants to break as I empathize with the pain of families - mothers, fathers and children who are torn apart in tragedy. My prayers mingle with my tears and heartache.

Other days I hardly think of it. I turn away from the news articles and broadcasts on tv. It is just another day in the world - this screwed up world. I can't help. I can't fix it. Why should I bother to carry the burden of someone I will never meet?

I found myself really questioning what the Christian response should be to the current events in the news. For one thing, we are in a time like no other. The technological connection we have with others on this planet means that we can hear about a tragedy moments after it has occurred. We can plant ourselves on the front lines emotionally with the sights and sounds of suffering. I hardly think this is a healthy or natural thing, but this is what the internet and satellites and Facebook and Twitter have given to us.

Sometimes I wonder if I should just shut it off and ignore it all. I certainly have enough in my own "world" to handle. But I don't think that is the answer, and if we have any hope of affecting people for the better, of pouring out any measure of compassion on humanity's suffering - then we must not close ourselves off and harden our hearts.

If we consider how Jesus lived on this earth, we know His heart was touched by the suffering and pain He encountered everywhere. Matthew 14:14 says: "And when Jesus went out He saw a great multitude; and He was moved with compassion for them, and healed their sick." He routinely got in trouble with the religious Pharisees for healing the sick on the Sabbath. He saw the need, and would rather reach out in love (which is the ultimate law) than try to impress people with how religious he could act. He was known to spend time with drunkards, prostitutes, tax collectors (the bane of society!) and was continually in the company of the poor. The people who followed Jesus weren't typically the rich, uppity people - but those who were downtrodden, blue-collar, poor, nothing-better-to-do individuals. Sometimes they just hung around to see what miracle he would do next and to get a free meal! So what I'm really getting at here, is that Jesus was a compassionate person. I think if Jesus had come in a more technologically advanced time, He'd be tweeting all about the issues of today! Hmm... there's a new one: WWJT? What Would Jesus Tweet?

I think it's pretty fair to say that most people know there is a difference between pity and compassion. But for comparison's sake, let's look at their definitions:

Pity: sympathy or sorrow felt for the sufferings of another

Compassion: a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering

Pity is normal - we all feel sorry for others at some point in life. Compassion moves beyond pity and desires to be a helping hand, to effect change. Jesus didn't spend His life on earth feeling sorry for people, He always offered them hope, and enabled them to change.

So we're left wondering just what we can do - how on earth do we show compassion to people on the other side of the world? Should we do anything at all?

The second most important commandment in the Bible, next to loving God, is to "love your neighbor as yourself" (Mark 12:31) Are the suffering Japanese people our neighbor? Is war-torn Libya our neighbor? (I won't even get into the details of loving our neighbor here at home, that's another topic for another blog!)

I would argue that if you have the ability to observe the suffering of another individual, you are close enough to be their neighbor. When Jesus told the story of the good Samaritan, He talked of how various people walked by a robbed, beaten man on the road. The first two, although maybe more culturally obligated to this man, looked the other way and dismissed themselves from the need. They chose not to help. The Samaritan, a man who was not religiously inclined to do the right thing, had compassion. Jesus finished the story by saying: "So which of these three do you think was a neighbor to him who fell among the thieves?" (Luke 10:36) The generous man acted as a neighbor, thus fulfilling the law of love.

I think because we aren't physically close to the suffering, that perhaps we can argue that we are not responsible for these people, and we are not their "neighbor". But I don't believe that is the Christian response we ought to take. My concern is that every time we close ourselves off to the needs and suffering of others, even those who are far away, we are hardening our hearts and inhibit the compassion of God from flowing from us in our local sphere of influence.

Living compassionately means being willing to become "inconvenienced" by the problems of others. It means taking your valuable time and effort, and quite possibly your money, and giving it with no expectation of return.

This challenges me to not ignore the situation, and to be willing to become involved. Firstly, it is always within my ability to pray for others; to pray for relief from their suffering. Yet in offering up a prayer, I think I ought to be willing to ask "What should I do, Lord?" He may not always have a specific task in mind. He may not be leading me to give money to every charity and every problem. But I believe it is an essential element of my Christian walk to consider the need and ask if I should do something. It is essential that I have a willingness.

To sum up my thoughts, I think it is legitimate to realize we can only help according to our ability. I know that you could give and give and give everything you have, and there would still be thousands of other problems that could use your money or time and help. I noticed something in the book of Acts that seems to help with this issue:

One of them, named Agabus, stood up and through the Spirit predicted that a severe famine would spread over the entire Roman world. (This happened during the reign of Claudius.) The disciples, each according to his ability, decided to provide help for the brothers living in Judea. -Acts 11:28, 29

In this situation, they were called upon to help others - but the key is that they helped "each according to his ability". This is practical advice, and makes a lot of sense.

In the end, I still am still stuck with the emotional aspects of caring for others. This is difficult. This is inconvenient. I don't know how I can hope to reconcile in my mind all the cares and pain of this world. I can't. But I will keep on caring. I will allow my heart to be moved by compassion; to help according to my ability and conviction.

Contentment

I ran my first 10 K race the other day. It was at night, and that was both a strange feeling - to not be able to fully see one's surroundings - and thrilling. I was surrounded by hundreds (actually over 2000) other contestants, and we ran through the valley on the river pathways, though trees and gullys and along the abandoned roadways. All you could hear for miles was the slapping of running shoes on the asphalt, and the labored breathing of competitors. It almost felt primal, like running among a pack of wild animals - all seeking the same prize! Some of us ran for pleasure, and the sheer enjoyment of being among so many others on a beautiful winter night. Others ran to conquer - whether that meant earning a position in the top ranks, or to conquer their own personal giants.

I ran hard. I ran well. The last leg of the race involves a steep uphill climb, out of the river valley, and by then many people were walking. I refused to give in to the burning of my muscles and the feeling that my energy was depleted. Finally, at the top of the hill, I could catch my breath, but I knew the finish line was close. I managed to find the strength deep inside me; strength that had more to do with my mind and emotions than my physical self and I sprinted to the finish line! I passed quite a few people in those last moments, and I was satisfied knowing that I had given it my all.

On the other side, among the swarms of other spent competitors and their supportive families and friends, I suddenly felt extremely weak and faint. My muscles were twitching, my head felt light and I was dizzy. Had there been anything other than the street to collapse onto, I probably would have ended up sprawled out, totally depleted of energy.

Oh the feelings... I was in a place of utter contentment. For all my hard work, I had little to show for other than my souvenir sweater and an orange racing bib with the number "3355" on it. The contentment came from deep within, bubbling up from inside. It was a state of peaceful euphoria - the kind that money can't buy, and others can't give to you.

The dictionary defines contentment as: peace of mind; mental or emotional satisfaction.

In the Bible we read: "Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content:" (Phil. 4:11) In my lifetime of up and downs, joys and trials, I have learned that there is a secret to being at ease with life. People have commented time and time again on how calm I am, and how I can be seemingly relaxed in spite of turmoil and upheaval. I would attribute much of this to contentment.

When we lived in Thailand, we inadvertently "adopted" and cared for a young female cat. After a couple months of Dan feeding this little kitty leftovers from our dinner, and fish from the wet market, she was beginning to look quite rotund! I accused Dan of spoiling this cat and "What will happen we when go back to Canada - then she'll starve!" but he took pity on her regardless. Soon after we noticed her improved weight, we realized she was indeed pregnant. She was a shy and wild kitty, who only occasionally allowed us to pet her - so we tried to come up with a way to provide shelter to her for when her kittens would be born. We ended up leaving a few cardboard boxes out on our porch, hoping that she would accept one of them as shelter.

One day we discovered that she had birthed some kittens in the night. Sadly, one of the kittens was stillborn and we removed it from the box, but there were 3 other tiny little kitties, snuggled next to their tiny young mother. Have you ever seen a mama cat nursing her kittens? She will be stretched right out, with her eyes closed into perfect little slits and you can hear the subtle roar of a contented purr. Here was our poor little 'third-world-nation' slum kitty, nestled in a cardboard box, surrounded by ravenous bugs and cockroaches and ants - in a state of utter contentment. Calm, peaceful, quiet and not a care in the forefront of her mind as she nursed her new litter.

(We gave the kitty and her babies shelter in our home for the next couple of months until she could begin to teach her kittens how to survive outdoors.)

I have had times in my life where nothing makes sense. I have looked at my situation, and had no clue how things would ever improve and yet, deep inside I feel peace and contentment. This spans beyond reason, and steps into the position of faith and trust in a loving God. Then there have been the high points of life where it seems that the sun is shining down on me and the world's "all as it should be". Those are wonderful times to feel contentment, and it's also a natural out spring for praise and thanksgiving.

No matter what, we are instructed by God's word to learn contentment. I don't think this means that you are obligated to ignore when things are going wrong and deny that you are in pain. This life is certainly full of it's share of pain and struggles. What I think it means, however, is that we are rooted in something greater and deeper than this emotionally draining world.

Consider this proverb:

You can't find firm footing in a swamp, but life rooted in God stands firm.

(Proverbs 12:3)

If you honestly think that your emotional well-being should be directly connected to your success in this life, I think you will be gravely disappointed. Life seems to give us stability and a foundation about as firm as a swamp.

When you look at an enormous, old tree, you might see a glimpse of the storms it has faced in it's lifetime. The trunk may be gnarled and there maybe be "scars" where branches were broken by the wind. But it grows and reaches towards the sun; tall, majestic and enduring. What you don't see are the deep, widespread roots. A mighty tree must dig deep and have far spread roots if it is to withstand wind and drought. In our own lives, I believe it is the foundational truths that we cling to, that maintain us through every season of life. You can't just wait for the high times to give you a boost. There needs to be something deeper and greater from which you pull your strength.


My contentment is in a God who loves me unconditionally. I know that it is not about me measuring up, and doing the right things. I know that my performance is not going to be graded before he "measures out" his love for me. What it comes down to, is my acceptance of His love. The contentment I feel is usually related to feeling fully satisfied with myself - which can be attained temporarily by my achievements - or, can be a lasting, complete contentment based on my revelation of God and His acceptance of me. We all want life to make sense, and I think when you have the right perspective, it truly does make sense.

Many years ago, a friend of mine wrote a slogan on my Bible notebook as a reminder to me. It said: No God, no peace. Know God, know peace.

Do you know Him? If you do, then are you getting to know Him better? I assure you, when you find Him, you will know peace and you will experience great contentment.

Running On Empty

I made a huge mistake... let me tell you about it.

My husband and I decided to squeeze in a "late-night" workout at the gym, right after the kids were tucked in bed (and monitored by their Aunt and Uncle). The problem though, is that I had been extremely busy in the hours prior to this - running kids to piano lessons, then going to their special AWANA car race event. I had eaten a small sandwich around 4:30, then had snacked on some super-salty, definitely not good for you, popcorn and a couple of juice boxes during the kids' race. As a side note, in lieu of having our 14 month old operate as a vacuum and eat up the popcorn that was all over the floor at the event, I gave the little guy a small bag with some popcorn. Let's just say it was like crack! I don't think he'd ever had anything so salty and artificially enhanced in his life (and I'll do my best to prevent it from occurring again in the near future!)

Anyway, I had consumed little more than a chemically enhanced, hydrogenated oil product, salt and a handful of corn kernels, along with a couple little juice boxes and we were off to the gym.

I began my workout with gusto, ready for some serious training for my upcoming 10K race that was fast approaching. Something was wrong though... about 10 minutes into running, I was feeling strangely weak and nauseated. My legs felt like they had lead weights strapped to them, and I just couldn't seem to keep up my normal comfortable speed. I felt really unhappy and unmotivated. I wondered why I was struggling so much when it hit me - I was hungry! The sandwich I had consumed in the afternoon had long since been depleted of energy, and the popcorn and juice - well that was a complete mistake! I dragged my feet halfheartedly through my workout, and cut down on my time and distance. Once we were home, I ate like a ravenous wolf, having learned my lesson!

I began to consider how "running-on-empty" has such an effect on our overall performance and state of emotion. While this may be obvious when it comes to our physical being, it applies as well to the state of our soul and spiritual well-being. When you are re-fueling on a constant basis with prayer, scripture, and active meditation of God's truth, it makes sense that you would be in a healthy state spiritually; ready to face a challenge, not easily distracted or worn down by life's cares. When you do not prioritize your spiritual needs, your mood is prone to swinging up and down, you are more likely to resist challenge and growth, and the idea of putting out effort to help others is probably exhausting.

So you say that you regularly attend church, and that sees to your spiritual needs? Unfortunately, I think this is a mistake many believers make. I think Christians can treat church a lot like a cinema. They come in with the crowd, ready to see the "Feature Presentation". They may even splurge on something extra to munch on (that is often of little nutritional value). It's fast, easy and accessible, and that is the way we like it! Do you see a connection at all with church? I believe it is possible that we can learn from the sermon, and once in a while be granted a life-changing revelation during a Sunday service. However, just like most movies you can watch, the contents of Sunday are probably not going to stick with you beyond a few hours or maybe a few days. At least, that's how it ends up without any further effort on your part.

If you were any sort of athlete, and could only fuel up once a week... what kind of medals would you win? Oh wait, you'd be dead! Sure, it's not exactly like physical food - the nourishment we need from God is deeper, and carries us farther and in different ways. However, it is imperative that if you want to grow and change; if you are seriously seeking to live the Christian life and want to experience the adventure that God has in store for you - then you MUST look at both your "diet" and your spiritual appetite!

I understand that some people just lack the resolve or desire to earnestly seek God and make prayer and Bible study a priority. In that case, I would challenge you to look at your life and see what is plugging you up - to put it bluntly. Are you filling up on "junk" that takes the place of God in your life? I heard someone explaining the reason for fasting and it make a lot of sense to me. If you really crave something and have a hard time putting it down or letting go of it, then it has power over you. This could be video games, music, sweets, junk food, Facebook, anything... By fasting these things, you re-enforce that the most important thing in your life is your relationship with Jesus. You shouldn't crave anything more than Him, and nothing should have that power over you, to control you.

It's not enough to rely on others to feed you spiritually. It's not enough to coast along on last month's prayer time or Bible reading. If you really want to race well, you have to eat well! Remember what Paul said in 1 Corinthians 9:24 Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it. And Hebrews 12:1 also talks about us running the race with endurance. This doesn't come from a "dine-and-dash" Christianity where we "do our time" in the pew on Sunday, and hope it carries us through the week.

One of the ways that has really changed the way I receive from Sunday services, is the fact that I meet with other people and discuss the sermon on a weekly basis. Suddenly, by reviewing the scriptures, and putting my own efforts and thoughts into the theme of the sermon, I am able to retain so much more!

Apart from that, I know that I can fill myself up spiritually in many different ways. There are countless books and online resources available to us, unlike any generation before! We have so many ways to "fill up on God", and yet we often don't. However, back to the popcorn - I think that only listening to what other people have dug out of God's Word, is a lot like only eating popcorn. It is really easy, and will carry you for a short time, but it doesn't exactly "stick to your ribs". When you dig into the Word for yourself, processing the scriptures bit by bit and allowing it to settle in your heart, there is something more lasting and "meaty" taking place. I'm not writing off the value of people who can teach and minister to you. We can learn so much... but really, what I'm trying to say is that you can always take it a step further. Don't just sit in front of the TV watching "Best Body Boot Camp Workout". You have to actually get up, and go through the motions yourself if you want the benefits. The same goes with the principles in God's Word. But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. (James 1:22)

So, from now on, when I'm planning to work out, I'll be paying attention to what I've eaten. And since I want to move forward in the purposes and plans of God for my life, I plan to pay attention to my spiritual diet as well.

Missing Persons Report

Case Name/Number: CWR11275

Missing Person Report

CONFIDENTIAL

The MPR provides a format to collect information in an efficient and coherent manner and is used to support a missing person investigation. It may also be used as a guide for conducting an interview. Information used to complete the form may come from multiple sources and from multiple interviews. Use a separate form for each interview and collate the information in a master file. If there is more than one missing person associated with this case, use a separate form for each subject.

Last seen:

Approximately 12 years ago

General Appearance:

Attractive, modernly dressed woman with an artistic flair.

Distinguishing marks:

Some freckles and a couple small scars - no stretch marks to be seen

Describe all items the subject may have been carrying such as pocketbook, wallet, backpack (describe contents of each), cell phone, keys, pocket knife, pager, camera, weapon, etc.

Subject is likely carrying a backpack containing art pencils and a sketch pad. The backpack may also contain hand-written sheets of music, and various books.

General Mental Health:

The subject is of sound mind - She is known to be creative and bright.

Additional Information and Comments:

This person went missing shortly after becoming married. The spouse is not considered a suspect in the disappearance of the subject.

The subject liked to frequent obscure coffee shops where she would indulge in local music, and write poetry. She was known to keep a journal. She was known to spend hours a day immersed in musical pursuits, and for a period of time was involved in a band.

Any information leading to the whereabouts of this missing person would be considered strictly confidential. We do not need your name, just your information.

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I've lost someone! Long before I had children, there was this soulful, artistic, creative person who had time for art and music and who wrote nonsense in a journal. Somehow, having one baby (and then 5 more), has transformed me to a different person altogether. I have stretch marks, wrinkles, and I think even a few white hairs! I don't stay up super late at Denny's drinking coffee with my artist friends. I don't have time to make sure I'm dressed in the latest fashions, with my hair done perfectly. Often I just make sure I have a clean face and pull my hair back into a ponytail.

Lamenting aside, the person I have become isn't a monster. (At least, not usually.) I've learned to organize a houseful of people and become the master-scheduler - keeping everyone on time, and looking half-decent. I've ascended the Mount Everest of socks, time and time again, without passing out. I've learned to cook fabulous food for a hoard of people, on a shoestring budget. My art consists of child-like drawings and paintings, as I hold a baby in one arm and paint or draw with the other, alongside my children as they do art. My music is most often lullabies - sung while snuggled next to a cuddly preschooler as I put him down for a nap. My coffee is a requirement, when I wake up in the morning - it's no longer an accessory to being "artsy".

For now, it's more about time not belonging to me. I've lent it out to 6 little people, and a husband whom I love dearly. Someday, I'll wonder where everyone has gone, (everyone but my spouse, that is), and in the back of my mind, stirrings of a former life may emerge. I'll pick up that pencil and sketch a tree or flower... I'll play the guitar until my fingers are numb. I might even find an obscure coffee shop and sip a latte while writing wise words in my journal. For in that re-emergence, I will be able to draw upon the years and memories I've made.

I'm not really lost - just metamorphosing. I'll put effort into what really matters right now, and one day emerge more beautiful, developed and wise for all the effort.



This post is dedicated to my "artist" friends... Whether you have become transformed by parenting as I have, or somehow have managed to maintain your sanity and creativity... may my words be a toast to you!