Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Grocery Store Grief

I felt at least half a dozen pairs of eyes on me as I struggled to make it through the self-checkout today at the store.  Two little boys proved to be just too much on this mid-afternoon, should be nap-time and there's-no-more-cookies-to-bribe-with shopping trip.  With exasperation, I roughly and sternly shoved my two-year-old back into his seat in the cart for the fourth time since I started to check out my groceries.  One more can scanned, then I whipped myself around and grabbed my toddler's sweater to keep him from tumbling out of the cart.

Caught in the moment; just trying to purchase some food, I barely noticed the smiling clerk as she took a moment to talk with my busy three year old and answer his question: "Excuse me... are clocks expensive?"

"Ummm.  Yes." she replied seriously, and then listened patiently as he explained all the things he wanted to do and to receive on his upcoming birthday.  That was nice of her.

But I was trapped in my own little cycle - raging war against the most determined, stubborn, grumpy, acrobatic two-year-old that I've ever given birth to... my challenging last-born child who keeps me on my toes as I protect him from himself. (Like all the times he finds knives on the countertop and plays with them... or found a wineglass, broke it, and then cut himself trying to fill it with water... all by climbing up on the counter.)

I felt like racing out of the store, strapping both kids in the van and just screaming for a moment or two - and then maybe I would pick up a self-medicating Caramel Latte at Starbucks, but I needed these groceries! Not only that, but I couldn't slow down - there were people behind me and it was taking so long; this tango - back and forth of scanning an item, then turning and dealing with my toddler - and I was going to be late to pick up my older kids!

Eventually... finally, I swiped my credit card on the pay pass scanner, pushed my toddler back onto his bottom in the proper seat, called to my wandering three-year-old and we raced out of the store to load the groceries and hopefully not be more than a few minutes late to pick up the other children.

Sigh... it seems that in this season of life, so many of my days are like this.  I read the magazines and books and listen to other mothers speak on encouraging programs such as Focus On The Family, and they tell me: "Simplify! Slow down! Take time for yourself!" but all the advice in the world can't seem to give me the steam I need to accomplish the necessary and I am caught in this hurried whirlwind of life, watching the pages of the calendar flip before my eyes in fast-forward.

In the end, after the groceries were mostly unpacked and the perishables were put away and the banana peels littered the dining room table and the little kids were put into their beds so Mommy could have a quiet-time, I realized that I forgot something.  Maybe I could have asked for help?  No... I don't mean I should have turned around to the customer behind me and asked them to watch my kids for a minute while I scanned my groceries, although it may have worked, considering there were a lot of seniors shopping that afternoon and they always seem intent on chatting with my kids (even when I'm in a hurry).  But that's not what I'm talking about... something - or maybe Someone - was trying to remind me that a simple heartfelt prayer, such as "HELP!" and turning my focus heavenward to a God who cares about even the little things, could make a difference in my day. 

It's easy to feel alone in your struggles when you are the one with the unending list that won't change until your kids grow up and leave home.  Even after that milestone, I imagine, there are hurries, worries and stresses that can plague you and leave you emotionally harried.  I guess what we (what I) need to remember is that you don't have to do it all on your own.  God's love is like a reassuring hand on the shoulder, a gentle reminder that His faithfulness will not fail and that his mercy is freshly available like each new day when the sun slips up and over the horizon.  Life may not change significantly when a prayer is offered up in desperation - it doesn't mean that the laundry will be magically folded, dinner will be on the table and an angelic being will come down and scrub your toilets for you.  However, I believe that with the asking, and with the acknowledgement of a need for God's presence, there will be a provision of strength for the day.  Like manna from heaven, God's provision is usually just enough, just on-time and leaves you still needing Him when you wake up the next morning.

Naptime is about to be over.  Dinner is yet to be made.  The house is a mess.  Okay, I can easily acknowledge that I'm not on top of my game.  So... here goes...
God...please help me.

3 comments:

XTraumaQueen said...

Amen Lisa. I appreciate your willingness to talk about life with its many UPS and DOWNS WHILE your still IN IT!

In my desperation to find "normal" for me and my family I too have tuned in to Focus on The Family and read a plethora of great books. I have certainly lessened a lot and have more to learn.

However,while these books and programs are still applicable advice, I find they sometimes lack the realistic perspective of life 'in the trenches'...don't you?

To me it seems the author's are typically coming from one of two perspectives:
1) parents giving advice that they've learned in retrospect, but are no longer in the throws of insanity with young kids!
2) OR they only have maybe 2-3 kids tops!

I am so glad God has called you to share bits and pieces of what life is like WHILE YOU ARE STILL IN THE TRENCHES! I have longed to have these such refreshing glimpse into the real, everyday life, of my brothers and sister in Christ. Sadly, this is most often the one ingredient missing between us...transparency!

I find myself saying the following often, "Life is MESSY! If you get close to mine, your bound to get messy too. If your life isn't messy in some way, you and I won't need Christ."

Behind every door of every person is something mucky in the throws of daily life. That's life on this earth. And we are blundering our way through as best we can...all the while we cling to the One who lights our way.

Thank you for sharing. I know God uses your blog to reach many hearts, those who were just hoping someone else out there would admit they are not perfect, have real emotions and need Jesus as much as they do!

XTraumaQueen said...

Amen Lisa. I appreciate your willingness to talk about life with its many UPS and DOWNS WHILE your still IN IT!

In my desperation to find "normal" for me and my family I too have tuned in to Focus on The Family and read a plethora of great books. I have certainly lessened a lot and have more to learn.

However,while these books and programs are still applicable advice, I find they sometimes lack the realistic perspective of life 'in the trenches'...don't you?

To me it seems the author's are typically coming from one of two perspectives:
1) parents giving advice that they've learned in retrospect, but are no longer in the throws of insanity with young kids!
2) OR they only have maybe 2-3 kids tops!

I am so glad God has called you to share bits and pieces of what life is like WHILE YOU ARE STILL IN THE TRENCHES! I have longed to have these such refreshing glimpse into the real, everyday life, of my brothers and sister in Christ. Sadly, this is most often the one ingredient missing between us...transparency!

I find myself saying the following often, "Life is MESSY! If you get close to mine, your bound to get messy too. If your life isn't messy in some way, you and I won't need Christ."

Behind every door of every person is something mucky in the throws of daily life. That's life on this earth. And we are blundering our way through as best we can...all the while we cling to the One who lights our way.

Thank you for sharing. I know God uses your blog to reach many hearts, those who were just hoping someone else out there would admit they are not perfect, have real emotions and need Jesus as much as they do!

Rachel said...

Grocery stores are my achilles heel, my nemesis, my recipe for disaster, and all hell breaking loose. Well behaved children turn into raging rhinos at the self checkout, and they continually try to sit or lean on the bagging table.

I think I pray more often in a grocery store than anywhere else.